Thursday, 27 April 2017

Don't judge a book by it's cover

Isn't it interesting that we make snap judgements based on superficial things?

Have a look at the following video:


For those of you who didn't click on the video, this young guy steps out on stage in the audition television program Britain's Got Talent. He is dressed in an orange hoodie and grey tracksuit pants. He's got a guitar in his hand and he says that he wants to sell out arenas. We all make a snap judgement by thinking that he is delusional and some what of an idiot. The judges think the same.

However, he sits down and belts out a song. He has a great voice and it is very easy to listen to and he blows every person in the auditorium away as well as many viewers.

The judges tell him that they didn't expect much out him. I wonder why. I can tell you why, because of what he was wearing.

If he had come out on stage and he was wearing a designer suit with customised shoes and a $20,000 watch they would think that he would be really good. We judged him before he opens his mouth just by what he is wearing.

The most famous 'don't judge a book by it's cover' moment in these kind of audition shows is without a doubt the following:


Yes, you guessed it Susan Boyle. She blew everyone away with the power of her voice once again proving that you shouldn't judge someone by the clothes he or she wears.

Closely following Susan Boyle is this guy:


Paul Potts. When he told everyone that he was going to sing opera, the audience and judges thought that he was crazy. Of course if someone was to sing opera he should look like this guy below:


Paul Pott's rendition of Nessun Dorma has become famous and he has even had a movie made about his life starring James Corden.

What am I saying today?

No I'm not saying that you have my permission to dress like a slob everyday. I'm not saying that you should walk around in ripped jeans (although they seem to be the fashion at the moment) and sweatshirts with grease on it.

I'm saying that you should at least make an effort but don't make a snap judgement on the fact that something might be a little bit off about another person at least give them a few seconds and if they are an idiot then politely rid yourself of their presence.

Don't make a snap judgement because they might be wearing navy blue socks instead of black. (some people think like that by the way.)

My favourite one is the following. What did you expect when the singer was on stage?


Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Starbucks: An oasis for introverts?

Starbucks.

Is this the most well known name in coffee? Probably. I must admit that I don't drink coffee and have probably had about five cups of coffee in my life but I realise how some people rely on it. They are addicted to it and it is almost a status symbol as people grab one on the way to work or school or wherever they are going.

Even though I don't drink coffee I still like to go to Starbucks and have a hot cocoa or water or one of their chocolate chunk scones. They are delicious.

The other day I was in a Starbucks at about 12.30pm. The middle of the lunchtime rush shall we say. Fortunately I was able to find a seat and sat down to enjoy my drink. What I noticed that there were a lot of people sitting by themselves.



It got me thinking. Is Starbucks the perfect place to be alone but with other people? Does that make sense? You are sitting by yourself but you don't feel isolated because there are many other people around you. You might not know them and they might not know you. It's like an ambivert oasis.

I do a lot of my writing in a private members only library. There are three main areas and I like the fact that I can sit there by myself and still feel like I'm in amongst people.

I was made to laugh the other day when one of the other members asked me why I sat where I usually do. He said I must be extroverted. I told him that had nothing to do with it and that the chairs were comfortable. Hey, if you are going to sit there for a few hours at a time you have make sure that your backside is enjoying the time as well.

Remember, you don't have to disappear totally. As someone on the introverted side of the spectrum, you can still get that alone time in a crowded place. You might just have to order a cup of coffee or two while you are doing it.

Tuesday, 25 April 2017

ANZAC DAY 2017 - Lest we forget

Dear Grandad, Dear Poppa

I thought that I would use this day to say hi and I hope that you are both doing well wherever you are.

Grandad, I celebrated your birthday last year by walking around the central area of Tokyo. It was really fun and I got to see a lot of interesting things.

While walking around I remembered playing cricket with you in the backyard at Swansea Street. I don't think I could get you out. Your defence was quite solid. 

Poppa, I never did (and still don't) share your fondness of grapefruit and gin but I still like watching rugby.

I remember going with you to the Showgrounds on August 3rd, 1985 where Canterbury were very fortunate to draw with Manawatu 15-15. Even today, I'm so glad that I went with you to watch that game. I'll remember it for the rest of my life and not just because Manawatu drew with Canterbury.


Today I want to say thank you to both of you. You both left New Zealand shores when you were young. You both went to places that you had never been to before and probably never went to again. You went their for your country and for your family and because you believed in something. Because of you, both myself and your other grandchildren are able to live lives of freedom and opportunity. We take it for granted but we have both of you to thank for it.

Love Blair.

April 25th, 2017.





Monday, 24 April 2017

Why are we unsuccessful?

I was thinking the other day about reasons why we might not be as successful as we want to be. Now, success is a relative thing and what you might think is a success, other people might see it as a failure or not even close to success.

So, why are some of us not even close to being successful. Here are some of the reasons I came up with:

1. You are lazy

Do you have no more arse left? Have you worked you butt off? No? You are lazy, man. You can't tell me that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett work only a few hours a week. I'm sure they are working all of the time. They have a vision and they are carrying out that vision. I'm pretty sure Michael Jordan worked his tush off each and every day and he become one of the most influential sports people of all time.


2. You are a scaredy cat

We are afraid, aren't we? We don't like what our friends might say. We don't want to hear what our family might say, so rather than going for it, we do nothing. We don't want to look stupid so we do nothing and I don't think that I have to remind you that do be successful you might have to do something.


3. Paralysis by analysis

We think way too much don't we? We think way too much about the things that we should do that we don't do anything and then the time slips away and we are neck dip in quicksand and things are only going to get worse from then on. It is like a slow moving car crash.


4. If you don't know where you are going, how do you know if you have reached it or not

You have got to have some kind of goal man. You need to have something that you are aiming for because if you don't there is basically nothing to wake up for in the morning. You are not focusing on anything and it just goes from bad to worse and you shouldn't get out of bed. Getting out of bed is just a waste of your time.


5. Believe it man

Success isn't just for someone else, it is for everyone and you have to believe it. If you don't believe it, nobody else will.


6. Stop doing busy work

Is it really urgent and absolutely essential that you answer that email now? Do you think that your client will drop you because you didn't reply to his or her mail in 5.3 seconds? You are kidding yourself with all of that busy work.


7. Social media is wasting your time.

Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, LinkedIn, Instagram. These are good things and you should use them but you need to do the other stuff first and also schedule it into your routine. It might be fun to see what someone who you have met twice has eaten for dinner the last three nights in a row but it is not going to get you anywhere fast.


8. Do you want it?

Of course you do. Go and get it. Stop making excuses and go and get it. If you don't go and get it you will regret it and that will hurt more than if you go after it and it doesn't eventuate. That pain is only temporary, not going after it regret, lasts a lifetime.


The Daily RBL Video Blog - Laziness and Monday mornings

Today we talk about laziness and the fact that most of us (me included) don't use enough of our spare time to create things and create things that people want to watch/read/share etc. So why don't you make an effort to do something that you are proud of outside of your work. You might surprise yourself. I know I have.


Sunday, 23 April 2017

How to fake confidence

There is an old expression, fake it until you make it. This can be easier said than done but there are some things that you can do to appear more confident on the outside than you might feel on the inside.

1. Eye Contact

This is something that I admittedly struggle with on occasions and I'm sure that you probably do too. But if you make good eye contact you can appear trustworthy and decisive.

I have talked to people about shy people and what they might do and have shown them an example and their first reaction was that it is almost scary and creepy.

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2017/04/eye-contact.html


2. Do the Superman pose

What you are basically doing with this is that you are conning your brain into thinking that you are stronger and more confident that what you really are.




3. Dress well

Guys, I'm talking to you. How do you feel when you walk around in a cool suit with well polished shoes and tie or no tie? (I think ties are a waste of material but that is just my opinion and might get deported from this country if I say that any louder) I'm willing to bet that you feel more confident when you 'dress up.'




4. Speak slowly

In Toastmasters we are "told off" for using umms and has in our speeches. When you use this utterances in your sales presentations there are a couple of things that might happen. The listener might wonder if you know what you are talking about or secondly they might wonder if you are trustworthy or not. So slow down, think about what you saying and don't be afraid to pause if you can't think of the correct word. That small period of silence can be powerful.


5. Use hand gestures.

Have a look at the following video about The Rock Dwayne Johnson. In the video we see how The Rock uses his hands to come across as very charismatic.

Just watch the video. I can't explain it any better.




Saturday, 22 April 2017

Procrastination: Why do we do it?

I sat down to write this post and have managed to waste about one hour. I've had a long week and all I want to do is go home and relax and I could be doing that now but I made the decision to procrastinate and it's not good.

They say better late than never but I wish it was one hour ago.

Why do we procrastinate?

There are several reasons:

1. We lack focus

Some people lack focus at all times. They have no purpose in their life and they are just going through the motions. They will wake up grumpy, go to work, do something that they are not passionate about or even worse, hate and then go home where they look at the TV or the four walls and then go to bed and then wake up 8 hours later and do it all over again. Doesn't sound too appealing does it. Although in saying that, the 8 hours sleep sounds great right at this moment although I've got to get this post done.




2. Bad planning

What is that old saying? I think self-help author, Brian Tracy said:

"Every minute you spend in planning saves 10 minutes in execution."

I know that I can be haphazard in planning as I just sit down and get started which is good but there can be a real lack of direction and then you get bogged down and you get distracted and that momentum is lost.

Not good.


3. Technology distractions

Isn't the smartphone great? You have a text machine, calendar, photo album, camera, weather forecaster, map, video maker, networker, date maker, music player and encyclopaedia all in one.

It can also be the biggest distraction ever. You check your social media feeds, you check your email. You have a look at the rugby score (well, I do anyway).

The technology we have access to us now should be a great assistant to us as opposed to something that just a big, fat, time waster.




4. We bite off more than we can chew

When we bite off more than we can chew it can lead to being overwhelmed. We say that we will do this and this and this and this. When we think about it we realise that we probably can't do all of that and then we don't know where to start most of us decide to not start at all and the suddenly the house is cleaner than it has ever been before and the fridge is getting a real thorough airing.


5. Lack of organisation

This is similar to bad planning in that you don't know what you are going to do and you don't have the necessary tools to do it even if you do have it. It is just bad. It is as simple as that.


Before you sit down at least have some sort of idea about what you are going to do and discipline yourself to sit there until it is done with minimal distractions.

Easier said than done I know but if you are going to get to where you want to get then you have to do it whether you like it or not and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the key.


Friday, 21 April 2017

Dear Shy People ...

Dear Shy People,

If there is only one thing you do today that isn't on your list of things to do, I suggest you watch the video below. In fact watch it as many times as possible until you understand the content of the video so well that you could teach a class about it at Bashful University.

Shyness is how you perceive the world and you are not born shy and you can easily become more gregarious and outgoing by fixing what is going on in that mind of yours.

Watch the video. I guarantee you, it will be the best thing you do today.



Thursday, 20 April 2017

When you find out WHY?

It's extremely interesting when you figure it all out. It's extremely interesting when it comes into perspective and it all makes sense.

It's interesting when you realise why you acted like that in a certain situation. It's interesting when you find a reason why you want to stay in on a Friday night instead of hitting the bars and clubs. It's interesting when you work out why he or she walked away.

I was speaking with a friend the other day and we were reminiscing about some of our "adventures" over the years. The interesting thing was that since discovering this introvert/extrovert dynamic, our stories have taken on a whole new meaning and now we totally understand why I acted in that situation in a particular manner and why he acted in that manner in another situation and also why he would give me grief when I wanted to go home from the club, "early" at 6am.

I used to visit him in the city where he was living at the time and of course boys being boys, we would go out to the bars and clubs and have a good time. On occasions we would meet his friends and colleagues from that city. We would drink, we would chat, we would eat a late night kebab or other culinary delights of that city.

Later my friend would tell me that his friends had said things about me that lets say weren't too complimentary. It felt a bit weird at the time because as fas as I was concerned I was just being myself. One of his friends even asked the question why we were friends.

We hadn't really figured that out until recently. His friends saw him as an outgoing, chatty, intelligent young guy and they couldn't understand why his good friend was a quiet almost shy guy.

Of course we know now that because he is extroverted they expected me to be extroverted too and it doesn't work like that. You think of business partners or couples around the world. I'm think of the two Steve's, Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. Personality-wise they are (were) very different but because the complemented each other they created something that changed the world.

If you have two extroverts chatting neither of them can get a word in. You have one chatty guy and one quieter guy and it works. One is listening and the other is doing most of the talking and it works.

In saying all that, it can get a little bit frustrating for the quieter introverted character. My friend pointed out to me that on occasions when we were at a club together, he would get invited to a party or something similar where I can be left out in the cold a bit. Quiet can be misinterpreted as weird and the introvert is left by him or herself.

Another thing I noticed recently concerning a group I am involved in. On our Facebook page, occasionally you will see an announcement of a party because so and so is leaving the group. "Lets meet up and have a few drinks and give him a great send off because he has been a great member of the group."

Other members of the group leave with little or no fanfare. Why? Because they are quiet. They keep to themselves a little bit more. Sometimes you don't even realise that they have gone. They may have been loyal and a valued member of the group but because they are a little quieter they sort of slip under the radar. One day you turn up and you say "where is he?" He's left and you don't even know.

What can you as an introvert do about it if anything?

First of all, does it worry you? It worries me a bit but I suppose that it is the way of the world. The louder people are going to draw attention to themselves and people are going to drawn to them. You can't get too worked up about it. It is human nature.

Sometimes in situations you have to come out of your shell but remember that it only has to be for a short time then you can go home and recharge.

The Daily RBL Video Blog - Hotel Okura


Today's video blog is talking about the need to become a situational extrovert on occasions.

You can get more information:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/06/the-situational-extrovert.html

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Getting the best out of both yourself and your team

A couple of years ago I met with a client. He was complaining to me about his boss.

It turns out that his boss was a woman. I thought that he was complaining about her by being a chauvinistic pig but the more he talked to me about her the more I realised that gender had nothing to do with it. It all came down to personality and that he did not understand her and where she was coming from.



The more he talked and the more he answered my questions I could tell that he was very extroverted. He told me that he went out with his clients often and he wasn't complaining about it like a lot of workers do. He seemed to love it, going out and socialising with his clients. He liked the small talk and the endless supply of alcoholic beverages on the company's dime.

He didn't like the fact that his boss didn't go out with the clients. He said that she would always find an excuse and not go drinking with him or the clients.

It struck me at that time that this woman is a genius and I told him that. I believe that when this gentleman finishes his work career and hangs up the laptop so to speak, he will look back on her as one of the best bosses he ever had.

Why do I think so?

Well she is obviously smart enough to see that he, as an extrovert was able to meet with the clients, create a good relationship with them as well as wine and dine, basically schmooze them.

She was smart enough to know that, that kind of activity didn't come naturally to her so she sent her best people out to do that. I'm willing to bet that her section is doing very well.

What can we learn from this story?

1. Don't expect everyone to be the same and that everyone likes to socialise. Not everyone has to go out because it's Friday night. Believe it or not, some people are happy staying at home playing video games or watching DVD's on Friday night.

2. If you know yourself and then you work to your strengths you are going to get a long way towards your goal of success.

3. Don't expect the worst of people, there is usually another reason. (i.e. This is guy is not chauvinistic.)

As a leader, if you know your worker's personalities you can create a very successful team.

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Charisma: Are you born with it?

There are some people who are just, what is the word I'm looking for? Charismatic?

These kinds of people can just enter a room and everyone flocks to them. Is that being charismatic or friendly? I'm not sure.

What is charisma anyway?

It can sometimes be hard to define the word charisma but I suppose the easiest way to define it is someone who has excellent communication and interpersonal skills.

I watched in awe this morning as another one of our gym members was basically chased around the gym so the other person could say hi. I doubt it would have been noticed by other people but it blew my mind.

This particular person is very friendly and always says hello. Is that being charismatic? Maybe. I'm not sure.

Lets ask the above question again:

What is charisma?

Well it turns out that you aren't necessarily born with charisma and the things you need are learnable. So lets go through some of the things that may make you charismatic.

1. Confidence

By making the right decisions you can become more and more confident. By decisions I'm not talking about which house to buy or which car you should fork your cash out for. I'm talking about whether you should have that salad or karaage for lunch. (I always go for karaage by the way. Japanese fried chicken (JFC) is the best.) I'm talking about whether you should watch that rugby game to write that blog post. I'm talking about whether you should walk five minutes to the shop to buy your loaf of bread or drive the car. With every decision you make throughout the day can either build your confidence or hurt it.


2. Optimism

You are charismatic if you optimistic yourself but you also help the people around you become more optimistic.


3. You are an interesting person. You are also interested in what other people say.

Charismatic people are good at telling stories. They are engaging and they listen to other people and ask relevant questions.


4. Brainy

Charismatic people can have good conversations. There conversation ability goes more than:

"I got so wasted over the weekend."

"Yeah. What did you do?"

"Well, we went to Gazza's place and he had a keg. Then we hit the town and hit on some chicks."

No, not at all like that. They will have some knowledge on something and they will keep well abreast on what is going on in the world.


Being charismatic is about having positive body language. It is about having passion and being self confident and optimistic.

Basically it is about being the type of person that people want to be around. The type of person that people want to hang out with. Have a drink with. Confide their utmost secrets with.

You can learn everything that I have talked about today just as I have or am still learning about.

Does the person below look charismatic to you?

I'll let you decide.


Monday, 17 April 2017

Some tips for men courtesy of Pinterest.

I haven't really worked out Pinterest yet. I do have an account and I periodically get emails showing some interesting pins.

Today I would like to comment on this pinUltimate list of 45 Man tips

In case you haven't realised, if you aren't a man then this post might not be of any use to you although in saying that Sex and the City was always good 'research' so you might find some interesting information here in this post if you are of the fairer sex. 

There are 45 tips in this pin so I can't comment (read, don't want to) on each of them but I'll try my best.


5. Never take her to the movie on the first date.

I broke that rule on my first date. We went and saw Muriel's Wedding. We ordered a big box of popcorn only to find out that we both at that time didn't like popcorn. We were both very nervous.




9. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to them.

My father always said that you should look a person in the eye when you shake their hand. He said that you can be judged by the other person quite harshly if:

a. you have a "wet fish" handshake

and

b. you are looking at something else.

Even now, when I see my brother we really exaggerate the look in the eye when we shake hands. 


11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift and play sports.

See the following video:




16. Give a firm handshake.

See number 9.


18. Never leave a pint unfinished.

I couldn't disagree with this more. I'm sorry, this is a ridiculous rule. I had a friend who would call them dead soldiers or something like that. He would peer pressure you into finishing it. My opinion is that if you don't want to drink it, DON'T. If you can't eat another bite you won't. Why does beer have to be any different? I'm going to say this again. It is a ridiculous rule and it could be dangerous as well.


19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come.

Pull those shoulders back. "Look the world in the eyes" as my mother used to say.

I must admit that if you really concentrate on pulling your shoulders back and walking straight that you feel confident and it only takes a few seconds. You could even acknowledge people walking the other way. You could smile at the beautiful woman that walks past you even if she gives you the Resting bitch face


23. Always stand to shake someone's hand.

Shaking hands is tough and there are always these rules that we must follow. This is an important one and I must admit that I forget it on occasions. I must stand up and you should to.

So, lets recap

a. stand up
b. look the other person in the eye
c. firm handshake, not wet fish


30. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.

One step ahead of you. I have already blogged about this. Many people walk looking at their feet and even worse, they walk while looking at their phones. You are not appreciating what is around you. Look up and as my mother said (well, she actually sang it):

"Walk tall, walk straight and look the whole world right in the eye."

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2017/03/look-up-while-walking.html


32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.

I think that one is pretty self-explanatory. If you can do that you could find yourself on easy street. Could, mind you. If you passion is tiddlywinks, there might not be much payment going on.


38. Never stop learning.

This is very important and let me send you to the blog post from the 28th of April, 2016:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/04/habits-part-1.html

A few years ago my friend and I read a book called Focal Point written by Brian Tracy. In that book he suggested that you get up early and read for one hour in your field. By field I don't mean going out into the farm and sitting in the paddock but reading about your business or career. So if you are a salesperson, read about sales. My friend and I took this advice and it has taken on a life of its own in which we affectionately call it GH or Golden Hour. It has had other names over the years but it remains the same, read, summarise, and then send to the other bloke to summarise and send back. Reading is great. 


45. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your life.

I think this one is easy to say but in some places it might be difficult to implement. I'm not naming any names.

Hey, if you enjoy your work then work more but if you are just doing it for the money and are feeling miserable I suggest leaving early on occasions. The peer pressure might be difficult to overcome at the beginning but I'm sure you won't regret it.

Sunday, 16 April 2017

Richard Branson: An introvert?

Richard Branson is an introvert.

When you read that you probably thought:

"Blair, you have lost your marbles. Have you ever seen him on television? He comes across as being very extroverted, what are you talking about?"

In this blog post I talk about the situational extrovert. A situational extrovert is someone who is fundamentally introverted but in certain circumstances can 'come out of their shells' and be the life of the party so to speak.

Growing up, Richard Branson was a shy child. He has learned to be the exuberant guy we see on our television screens.

How has he done this?

It takes practice man. Richard Branson just practiced, practiced and practiced some more. He persevered even if it was difficult.

When he cold called potential advertisers he would put on a deeper voice and make up a title just so that he could sound legit. Basically he played a role. A situational extrovert.

Richard Branson also learned a couple more things, he knew even though it went against his shy, introverted personality that face-to-face meetings were better than mail or telephone.

In today's age we like to hide behind email or social media. Even traditional courting of the opposite sex is not done face-to-face anymore. With apps like Tinder and Bumble we can 'hire or fire' either swiping right or swiping left.

Richard Branson must have known or subconsciously anyway known that being an introvert can make it difficult in this day in age. Don't get me wrong, introverts do make great entrepreneurs, Richard Branson, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett are not a bad group but I am sure that like Branson they have overcome some introversion to become a success.

Don't worry if you are introverted, there is nothing wrong with it. You just need to know when is the best time to come out as the situational extrovert. It will take a lot of energy and you might need to withdrawal from society for a few hours to restore your energy deposits.

Sure the extroverted leaders of this world grab the headlines but introverted leaders like Branson can also do it.

You can do it too. It takes practice and as I said, more practice and more practice and of course practice some more.


Saturday, 15 April 2017

Here are some signs that you might be on the extroverted introvert side of the spectrum.

Despite what you might read and even this blog could be considered a culprit by making you think there are two groups in this world, introverts and extroverts.

Basically for this topic, we all exist on a spectrum, very much like a political spectrum so if the far left is the people who never leave their room let alone the house right across to the people who are out and about every single night and can't bare to spend one minute alone.

In my mind the people to the left of centre would be considered ambiverts or extroverted introverts. Here are some signs that you might be an extroverted introverts, very much like me. Aren't you lucky.


1. You are good around people.

Most people will think that you are a extrovert on the far right of the spectrum. At the party you can tell jokes, tell stories, dominate the room (for a short time). They are usually really surprised to hear that you like to spend time alone and that you really recharge alone or with someone else. They also can't understand why you want to leave early.


2. You like the one-on-one better.

I would say that I fall into the category. I would much prefer to go to the bar with a mate as opposed to a whole bunch of people. I would much prefer to have dinner with someone special as opposed to having a few at a party.

With one-on-one you can have a really good conversation and really get into the guts of the topic as opposed to scratching the surface with a group.


3. Sometimes you just don't want to go there.

Even though you are good at the parties and you can dominate the room, actually going can cause you to feel bad. It can cause you to start thinking of ways to get out of the party but you do realise that once you get there it will be fine. It's like going to the gym, right? This morning I didn't really want to go to the gym but I forced myself out of bed and it was great.


4. Alone time is the best.

If you are uncomfortable being alone, then you have absolutely no right in calling yourself an introvert. I know that I have gone whole days without talking to people. YouTube got a thorough workout as did Netflix.


5. We still get lonely though. 

Extroverted introverts still get lonely. We want our alone time but we still need to get out and about and be social from time to time and if we can't create that social time we will feel lonely, believe me.


6. An extroverted introvert doesn't like compliments.

I remember someone paid me a big compliment at the gym a few months ago. Of course I should have just said "Thank you" and moved on but I felt really uncomfortable about it all and made excuses why the guy shouldn't say that. He got really angry with me and almost shouted at me that I should just say "thank you." It felt really weird.


7. Cafes are cool.

Someone who you would classify as an extroverted introvert likes to hang out at cafes or the like but not necessarily say hello to other people. As I am writing this, I am sitting in a library with many other people around me. I'm not talking to anyone but I can still see people around me and feel like I am part of something. I would feel really lonely sitting in my room doing this.



The Daily RBL Video Blog - Outside


This video complements the following post: https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2017/04/to-play-outside-or-not-to-play-outside.html

Friday, 14 April 2017

To play outside or not to play outside, that is the question.



The other day I was talking to a friend. This friend is very extroverted and once you get him at a party you will have a lot of trouble pulling him out of there as he gets more and more energised from  socialising with the people around him.

We were talking about a particular weekend and I mentioned that it was nice weather.

"What did you do?"

"I spent the day writing the blog and coming up with other ideas for future blog posts."

"Why didn't you go outside?"

"As I said, I was concentrating on writing my blog and doing some research for it."

"You should of gone outside."

"Why?"

"Because it was beautiful weather."

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?"

"You should have been outside and playing in the park."

"Well, firstly, I'm too big for the swings and maybe the other children might have kicked me off the slide."

"Seriously, you should have gone outside."

I still don't know why I should have gone outside but I thought I had a particularly productive day. Other people begged to differ.

Is this an introvert/extrovert thing?

When the weather is good the extrovert has to get outside, to do something, to do anything. It feels to him or her that if he or she is not socialising outside either with other people or with nature then it is a waste of a day.

An introvert on the other hand will go outside when they feel like it and that doesn't have anything to do with the state of the weather. Just because it is beautifully sunny outside doesn't mean to an introvert that they should go outside. Maybe they had an energy sapping party the night before and they just want to relax at home with the television or computer. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that

I'm told at the gym that I should listen to my body and that I should know when to rest and when to exercise. Listen to yourself as an introvert. Know when it is time to socialise and when it is time to stay at home with a book or a good blog post from this guy. Don't be dictated to by the weather or other people. Know who you are and act accordingly.


Thursday, 13 April 2017

May Illness

五月病

In any language there are a few things that you struggle to have an equivalent in any other language because of the significance of it for that country or culture.

Recently someone told me about something I hadn't heard about before.

五月病 (Gogatsubyo), literally meaning May sickness is something that happens in May of course and it can affect quite a few people. It is very similar to the feeling that I'm sure a lot of you get when you go back to work after two or three weeks off in January after the Christmas/New Year period.

The academic and fiscal year starts in Japan and people are starting school or changing positions in their companies and in particular, recent graduates from university are starting their first full time job and they are all excited. You can see them around town. They have their nice suit on and they look ready to conquer the world.


Then Golden Week comes. Golden Week starts at the end of April and for the first week of May there are four public holidays and people go overseas or go to different places.

(I remember one Golden Week a few years ago, I went to Shizuoka to play cricket and the road was so crowded that it took as two and half hours to exit the service area on the motorway.)

Then reality sets in. The new graduates go back to work after the long weekend and they think "oh no. I've got forty more years of this." This can be quite depressing for some people and it can be quite a struggle to get out of bed and to go to work.

What can people do to get out of this slump?

I know a guy who is in his third year at his company. He never feels bad (unless he has a hangover). He is always enthusiastic about his job and looks forward to working each and every day. (How many of you out there can say that? Not many I suspect.)

What makes him different to most people is that he has a career plan and he is determined to see it through. He thinks that he is only going to be at the company for five years or so. He wants to learn as much as he can about business and then he wants to start his own company. Do you know what, he is definitely going to be very successful and I wish him well.

He has a purpose, he has a mission and he is going to chase that purpose come hell or high water and that is what you can do if you find yourself in a slump. You need to find your purpose. I'm willing to bet that the people who fall into that 'May Malaise' don't really know what they want but the people like my friend, who are focused and know what they want, they don't have time for feeling depressed.

Take it from me, you don't have to find your purpose straight away and usually, your purpose finds you anyway.

What does that mean?

You might have to try a few things before it presents itself and it will probably present itself in the most unusual circumstances.

The Daily RBL Video Blog - Gogatsubyo (5月病)

This is my latest video on my YouTube channel. It is about the phenomenon in Japan called Gogatusbyo or May sickness.


Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Bert and Ernie, Geoffrey and Bungle, Daniel and Miyagi



A short blog post today and it concerns a question that has been on my mind since I started this blog.

Who is the introvert and who is the extrovert in the Bert and Ernie combo?

What do you think?

Because we only see them together onscreen and very rarely do we see them with other characters, it is difficult to say. I would say that Ernie is the extrovert while Bert, even though he gets angry with what Ernie gets up to would be the quieter introverted type character.

That is only speculation mind you. But, the good thing is that we can all sleep well tonight because we have possibly, solved the mystery but we will never know unless they come out and say and by coming out I'm not talking about anything else that people say about these two because it is not true in my opinion.

If it was true mind you it would really wreck my childhood like the following two videos have.

Well one has wrecked my childhood and the other one wrecked my teenage years.




Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Who is the faster eater?

I  have a question, when you eat in a group, are there some people who are faster or somewhat slower than some of the other people?

Why is that?

Is it because some like to talk more? Is it because some have more on their plate than other people? I'm not sure.

I'm quite a quick eater and I used to get told off a lot for it. My argument to that is that, that is how I enjoy my food. Some people enjoy their food by chewing every bite 23 times. I enjoy mine by eating quickly. Am I wrong? Are they wrong?

What I have never thought about until l recently is the following:

Are extroverts slower eaters than introverts because they see eating as a time to be social and they will want to talk about anything and everything?

Are introverts faster eaters because they want to fed and get out of there so they can do other things?

To be honest about all of this, I'm not sure. It will be interesting to see over the next few months. Maybe my theory is too far-fetched. Maybe my theory is close to the mark. I have no idea.

What is your experience?

Monday, 10 April 2017

Fight loneliness: Get out and about

LONELINESS!!!

In this post I talked about being stuck on a deserted island and whether or not it would introvert heaven. Maybe for a few days it might but I would say that it would get very old, very quickly. Even the most introverted of introverts are going to want some kind of socialisation from time to time.

What is the socialisation?

You could join a sports team.


Guess which one I am. Hint: I'm wearing white cricket clothing and a blue blazer.

You could join some kind of a club.

You could join the gym.


That's a 102 kilogram deadlift. Not bad for an old fella, right?

You could even join some kind of shared work place where you are maybe not doing much socialisation but you don't feel isolated and there are more things to do than being stuck at home.

Just try to stay away from loneliness. According to this article is could kill you and I can sort of understand why.

In the article there are a few things that I have to disagree with. The author suggests that it sucks to be alone on a Friday night. I don't think so. If you have been working hard all week on your mission and purpose and if you have a busy weekend ahead then I believe that there is nothing better than relaxing at home. Maybe have a beer or two. Cook some dinner and prepare for the weekend. I like to go to the gym early on Saturday morning so I don't want to have too many beers on a Friday night anyway.

However if you haven't done anything that week then I would suggest getting out and about because you will feel miserable and that is never a good place to be.

Many people accept loneliness as better than the other thing which is rejection. Rejection hurts believe me but even if you are being rejected at least you are out there. You are out and about, getting into it as we used to say in New Zealand. Rejection only lasts for a couple of minutes while loneliness can last for many months and imagine the damage it is doing to you as you sink further and further into depression.

As the title of this post suggests, fight that loneliness. Get out there. Hit the gym. Go and have a drink at your favourite bar. Go and watch your favourite sporting team. Do something. Sitting alone staring at the wall is not healthy and you might find that it is shaving years off your life and that is never good.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

61: A study of two guys and how they are perceived

In 1998, Major League Baseball players, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were in a race to beat a hallowed record in the sport. That is the most number of home runs in one season. The record at the time was 61.

By the end of the 1998 season, McGwire had smacked 70 home runs and Sammy Sosa had whacked 66 home runs. Both breaking the 27 year old record of former New York Yankee player, Roger Maris.


I'm not going to profess to being a baseball expert by any means but I do enjoy watching sports related movies which is what I want to talk about today.

61 is a 2001 movie about the race to beat the W.G. Grace of professional baseball, Babe Ruth's record of 60 home runs in one Major League Baseball season.

The two protagonists are Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle.

In the movie they are portrayed as friends, which is quite true, however at the time the press thought that they actually hated each other so that was the prevailing opinion.


What was interesting for me was how the two players were very different.

Dare I say it, one player was extroverted and the other guy was introverted. In saying that they had a great relationship and created history in the 1961 season.

Mickey Mantle is portrayed as the media's darling. He is outgoing. He seems to embody the New York State of Mind. He lives in a upmarket hotel. He is seen out at all the trendy joints and seems to have a different woman every night. He is Mr. New York.

Roger Maris on the other hand is not so well liked and that is a real understatement. He is booed even though he is having the season of his life. He is unpopular and he is considered aloof and not a New Yorker at all.

This just goes to show of people's perceptions. If you are outgoing and have a smile on your dial at all times, people are going to take a shining to you not matter what comes out of your mouth. If you do say something inappropriate, people will dismiss it as that particular person being true to himself and telling the truth and they will say that most people are thinking that anyway.

People who like to keep to themselves or if they are shy can be perceived to be arrogant, egotistic, superior, pompous and conceited. (Thank you thesaurus.)

Roger Maris is portrayed this way which couldn't be further from the truth. He was a devoted family man. He had a heart of gold. (which is showed by him asking Mantle to move in with him during the season) His sin was that he didn't know how to deal with the press as he had never had that kind of exposure in his baseball career. He basically didn't know how to schmooze them. He didn't know what they wanted to hear and he spoke his mind which some people don't want to hear.

Nowadays, professional athletes have training on how to deal with the media. I think of the New Zealand example of Jonah Lomu. When he first started his rugby career, he had a very, lets say 'limited' vocabulary. However, at his untimely death he was articulate and knowledgable. This would be thanks to experience and I'm sure coaching.

Don't judge a person too quickly. Sure, they might not be the greatest conversationalist in the world but that might be because they just aren't that way inclined, as opposed to someone who chews your ear off at the drop of a hat. Don't think that they are stuck up because maybe they are not.

Saturday, 8 April 2017

What will we be like in 100 years?

I'm told that children are not socialising with each other anymore. I don't have children so I wouldn't know if this is true or not.

Is it true?

Apparently more and more socialising is done online playing games.

When I was growing up, of course we had television and I still fondly remember The Incredible Hulk, Knight Rider, The Six Million Dollar Man and Buck Rogers but we also had outside where we played cricket, rugby, soccer, basketball, tennis, darts, table tennis, golf, snooker and badminton. (Badminton was always interesting outside)

In fact when I write the above it reminds me of the below meme that I saw recently:

Click here for the meme

This all begs the question, what are we going to look like in 100 years time?

Are we all going to be homebodies who rarely go out? Sounds like an introvert culture to me.

My mother used to say to my brother and I that we watching too much television that we would get square eyes. Is that going to be true or are we going to have rectangle eyes?

Are people's head going to be in a permanent down-looking position because we have wandered around staring at our phones instead of looking ahead?

Who knows?

What I do know is that we need to get out more and socialise face to face. That isn't just extroverted people but introverted people as well.

It is very easy to stand behind our phones and just socialise there but we have to follow this woman's lead and live in the moment instead of behind our computer and phone screens.

Friday, 7 April 2017

Eye Contact

In this post, I talked about Toastmasters and the benefit you get from going this group.

Three things about public speaking that they emphasise in Toastmasters is the use of gestures, try not to umm and ah the whole time and what might be the most important in both public speaking and in public in general, eye contact.

Eye contact shows good confidence and shows that you are comfortable being you.

They say that in sales the first person to look away loses and that probably goes for negotiations as well although in saying that, I'm told that the strongest negotiating position is to be able to walk away and mean it. So that pretty much means breaking of eye contact, doesn't it?

How do you improve your eye contact?

I hate the kind of advice that you see occasionally where it is basically a Nike ad, "Just do it" or another one of my favourites, "Just be yourself" or the Mac Daddy of advice giving, "Just be confident."

Unfortunately with practicing eye contact there is only really one way, make eye contact with people.

This is what I suggest, start off by looking at but stare at people as they walk past you. After that and you have grown a bit more confident then you you might give a quick nod or the raised eyebrow greeting. Next you might give the smile and then finally the best one in my opinion, saying hello.

Some people say that they are scared to say help to strangers. Why is that? What are they going to do? "Hey, Mr. Policeman. That guy said hello to me. I want you to arrest him." I seriously doubt it.

OK, here's your homework. Over the next few days make eye contact with people that you might see regularly but you never acknowledge. It could be people at the store or station or gym or library. Anywhere really. Good luck with that.

Warning: Obviously sometimes you have to use your common sense and there are people and you know who they are who you wouldn't make eye contact with and that is fine. Don't!


The Daily RBL Video Blog - Eye Contact

This is my latest video about eye contact and how good eye contact can really lift your confidence and help you make that impact.


Thursday, 6 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 7

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:

19. When someone tells you to call them but you text them instead. You're a lot more clever/confident/clear when you write your thoughts instead of saying them out loud.

I can sort of understand this one, but sometimes communicating by text can be a real drag. You go back and forth trying to organise a meeting or something similar and it would have been much easier if you had just dialled the number and finished the phone call in five minutes instead of five days that some texting could take.

In saying that, it is true that some of us do express ourselves better in the written form as opposed to the spoken form but surely it is only a text. Then again, maybe you don't want to go out that particular night and the other person might sense the hesitation in your voice when you are saying no and guilt you into going out, so in that sense, the text may well be better.




20. When you avoid getting your hair cut for a few weeks because you know you'll have to muster the energy to make small talk with the stylist for a least 30 minutes. 

I have been going to the same guy to have my hair cut for over 10 years. I enjoy the experience. The hot towels, the shave, the massage, having my hair washed twice. It is a pleasurable experience.

I do know that over the last 10 years there has been times where I have put it off and I always thought that it was because I couldn't be bothered to travel there but maybe subconsciously, it was because I didn't want to do small talk although I must admit that the reason I go to that guy is because I like the small talk. I can imagine why people would avoid it though. Sometimes it might be better to just close your eyes and relax and let him or her just do their job.






21. When you get off work and you're so mentally burned out that you don't even want to turn on music or a podcast in your car. You just need everything to be quiet for a few minutes, PLEASE.

No. I have never had this experience although sometimes you just want to go home and go straight to bed. I'm sure most of you have experienced that. You get home and about 90 seconds later you are in bed snoring your head off.


There you have it. Over the last 7 days I have commented on things that introverts will understand. Did any of them resonate with you? I'm sure that a few did if not all.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 6

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:

16. When you say, "I  want a low-key birthday this year. Like, dinner with two friends."

I'm laughing when I read this because it is exactly what I would say. I remember having a party a few years ago and it wasn't much fun at all. It was very stressful having to talk to all of these people. Some of them I don't think I have seen since. Sounds very extroverted, right?

It is always interested going to an extrovert's birthday party. He or she will have about 100 of his or her closest friends there and when you ask some of them how they know the birthday person I kid you not, I have heard, "we met on the train last week." Seriously? The more the merrier, right?


17. When you ask the teacher if she can make an exception for you so you can work alone instead of with a group. When she tells you that it will be more work that way, you figure that's fine because in a group, you'd end up doing the majority of the work anyway. You're kind of a perfectionist. 

I don't think I have anything to worry about here.

I have found that working in a group you do what the strongest person in the group wants to do which isn't always the best way but because they will bulldoze their ideas through in can be quite irritating.

This reminds me of George Costanza from the hit comedy series of the 1990's, Seinfeld:

"This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and it all gets homogenised, and you lose the whole edge of it.


18. When you wear headphones in public so people don't talk to you.

Hands up who does this because they don't want to talk to people. I do. I'm not ashamed to do it. In fact I am doing it now as I write this.

Actually, In public, I don't mind talking to strangers but I do like walking around while listening to some good music although I can understand why some people would be like that especially in a close space like an elevator or something similar. I think looking down at your phone has the similar effect.

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 5

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


13. When you're playing out a fictitious argument in your head and you get so into it that you find yourself making corresponding facial expressions or mouthing comebacks. You promise, you're not really as crazy as you look.

I'm sure that I have been caught out like this many time myself, in fact I know I have. People who don't do this won't understand so well, you will definitely think I and and other people who do this are crazy.

Introverts are occasionally so in their heads that we will continuously think about made-up conversations and arguments and so forth. Sometimes the conversations will be about what we should have said in a past encounter or something that we did and we are not too proud about it. I'm sure we all do it from time to time but introverts will do it more than most and sometimes we can get ourselves really worked up about some kind of future conversation that will never happen.


14. When you're awkward at making small talk. Or you don't do it at all. You cut right to the chase and everyone is like. "Where did that come from?"

I remember I had a meeting with a prospective client. I hadn't met him before so it was very much like the first "date." We had shared a lot of small talk (in my mind anyway) and so I decided to start my spiel. I think it must have been too early for him because he gave some sarcastic comment.

Sometimes you just want to get into the pitch and obviously you take a risk because some people may not be ready for it.

From a guy's perspective it could be like you are on a date and (in your mind anyway) everything is going well so you decide to take it too the next level and she is not ready for it. I would say that it is always better to go for it than to hang off and be considered the dreaded friend or for a salesperson, you get the dreaded, "You are a good salesman." ("You are a nice guy.") In my experience when you get that, you might as pack you stuff up and walk out the door.


15. When you finally speak your mind and people get offended because you were really blunt. You didn't warm them up with small talk first or sugar coat your words. You just spoke the truth. 

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they get offended and sometimes introverts might not be "socially proficient" and may say the wrong things. Well actually, they are not the wrong things they are just saying what they think and what is wrong with that?

Well, you might offend someone. Who cares? Watch the video below and you find out what happens when you offend someone. Nothing!


The Daily RBL Video Blog - Morning Routine

In my latest video blog I talk about the morning routine and how it is important to get your day off to the best possible start.

I have also blogged about it and you can see some of those posts below:

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/04/morning-has-broken.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/05/good-morning.html

https://dailyrbl.blogspot.jp/2016/10/the-miracle-morning-revisited.html


I hope you enjoy the video and if you have any comments let me know. I'm always interested to hear some feedback.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 4

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


10. When you say, "Sorry, I already have plans that night." Your "plans" are to watch Netflix, colour, or read - basically to chill at home.

This is a crucial one. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever say that you are doing nothing when someone asks you "what are you doing tonight?" In my experience, this is an interesting one because if you say nothing then the extrovert will expect you to accompany them to their local watering hole or concert or something similar. The trick here is to know you audience. If they are going to guilt you into going with them then you have to make you plans sound exciting and better than what they have in store for you. Also you want to make it seem like they are not invited. I would suggest going up with a dozen or so stories that you can trot out if you don't feel like it.

Remember though, that you can't say no every time because there might not be a next time and that is not what we are trying to accomplish here. Be strong enough to say no but also know yourself well to know when to say yes.

Of course you can always Netflix and Chill. You will get no argument from me with that. All power to you, I reckon.


11. When you're staring out a window, just daydreaming, and you can't be bothered by anything.

Introverts are so in their mind that sometimes we can't be disturbed. Is there anything wrong with this? Absolutely not. As I said above, all power to you. This is where the really good ideas come from.

Do you think that Thomas Edison was out partying on a Friday night or getting pissed (slang for drunk, not angry) with his mates? Probably not.




12. When you were supposed to be paying attention in class, in a meeting, or to your friend's story, but instead your mind started thinking about outer space, time travel, and the fate of humanity instead.

Oh god! Where do I start with this one? They say that introverts are good listeners which is not entirely true. In fact, for some of us, it is so far from the truth that it can be quite sad.

I think you and I need to get better at this because, to be quite frank, it is not cool at all.

Look out for future posts about listening techniques that you can use to be a better listener or at the very least pretend to be a better listener.

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 3

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:

7. When you go to a party and end up spending the whole night talking to the one person who you feel comfortable being around. 

Yep. Being there done that. Sometimes it is the best way, especially if you are talking with someone who is also not that comfortable in a big group situation and you have some kind of common, shared interest.

I remember I was at an event and I met someone who I had played cricket against a few years earlier. We spent the rest of the night talking about cricket. I could tell that he wasn't that interested in being there. He was just there because of his wife who I met later. She was obviously the social butterfly of the pair as she had met the whole room basically.

Whatever gets you through the night, right?


8. When you're at a party and say, "I'm getting really tired, so I'm going home." You are not actually sleepy, you're just tired of being around people. You go home and stay awake for three more hours, checking Facebook, watching YouTube videos, or reading.

You need to know when to eject and their are ways to do it. The extroverts at the party will try to make you stay because to them the more the merrier. You have to be strong. Make up some kind of an excuse like you have to get up early the next morning and leave. Don't hang around.

After five minutes of you leaving, they are going to forget you were there anyway. You could explain to them that your social batteries are running low but that will go over the heads of most extroverts and they will think you are being anti-social when in fact, you sticking around at the party would mean that you are anti-social because you will become more and more tired and you will get that dreaded question, "what's wrong with you?"


9. When you're having trouble explaining your thoughts or feelings. Everything makes so much sense in your head, but it never comes out eloquently as it seemed in your mind. Other people are like, "Come on, spit it out, what's the problem?"

Yep, this is another situation I have encountered on a number of occasions. I assure you, it does sound a lot better in your head but all of those wonderful thoughts and ideas all try and rush out of your mouth at the same time and it can get you all tongue tied and it just all turns to custard unfortunately. Of course it doesn't help at all that these stupid people are standing over you telling you to spit it out. Do you think maybe that is what we are trying to do?

It reminds of this scene from the movie School Ties. The student was trying to get it out and the teacher was being an asshole in my opinion. Rather than encouraging the student he was was being overbearing and the student couldn't handle it. Not good.


Saturday, 1 April 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 2

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


4. When you check your phone at a party/get-together for a long time simply to avoid talking to people. 

Yes, I have done this on multiple occasions. You look at you phone and no matter what you are looking at, the weather, rugby scores or Snapchat you shake you head and look annoyed. People will think you are working or have some kind of problem and will stay away from you.

Look at this video if you are wanting an example:



5. When you hang out in the bathroom for a just a few seconds longer than needed, because it's the only quiet place in your school or office.

Do you know what has happened recently? We hang out a lot longer than we used to. Do you know why? The smartphone. When you are waiting for a public toilet to become vacant and they all seem to be in the cubicle for hours and hours. Yes, they are hiding from society a little bit but they are also hiding from reality by looking at their phones. It's pretty obvious that the people who come out quickly have forgotten their phones. It must have become the longest two minutes of their lives. I know it is a long two minutes for me.


6. When people say, "Tell me about yourself!" and you momentarily freeze, then mumble a few generic sentences because you have a hard time being articulate when you're put on the spot. As an introvert, you tend to process your thoughts deeply and need time to think before speaking. 

I remember I was at a seminar a few years ago and I was put on the spot. I had no idea what the answer was or what I was going to say. I proceeded to look at the ceiling for about thirty seconds. (it seemed like about thirty years) In the end I managed to blurt out an incoherent answer and I still haven't forgotten it. I know that if someone was more extroverted they would have rabbited on for half an hour and said absolutely nothing. Me, I tried to give an insightful answer and failed miserably.

So, how do you overcome these 'curly' questions?

You have to prepare some answers for those kind of questions. Try to anticipate them. Write them out. Don't worry if it appears to be a script (which it is), most of what we say is a script anyway. Analyse what people say on a daily basis and most of the time you could almost predict what they were going say. You don't believe me? Listen, it is all canned material. I assure you.

Friday, 31 March 2017

Introverts: You will understand these - Part 1

This was interesting on Instagram.

The 21 things that only introverts will understand. I'll spend a few days going through them and maybe explaining them to you from my experience. The passages in bold are from the Instagram post:


1. When people interpret your quietness as you being stuck up, standoffish, or rude. It's not that you think you're better than other people; you really do care deeply about others. It's just that you often don't know what to say.

Ahhhh, sound familiar? Dear Extroverted people. Yes, we literally have nothing to say. We don't have that ability to keep on moving our jaws for hours on end talking about absolutely nothing. This doesn't make me rude, it just makes me different from you and do you know what, that is OK. It is OK to be different from you because that is what makes the world an interesting place.

I'm not sitting there judging you. (well, maybe a little bit) What am I doing is just sitting there enjoying the atmosphere in a relaxed manner. I am showing my enjoyment by continuing sitting there. I don't have to stand up and shake my body to the loud sounds of the DJ to enjoy myself. I can sit there, drink a beer and enjoy the scenery around me and if I feel like it I will talk to someone or not. I'm enjoying myself.


2. When your friend invites you to a party/event and you have no desire to go. You'd rather stay home and recharge your introvert batteries, watching Netflix, reading, gaming, or just relaxing. But you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings, so you make up an excuse like, "I'm not feeling well."

This is OK. It is your prerogative to go or not. What is not OK however is two things:

     1. Your extroverted friend guilting you into going because they want someone to go with so as not to feel uncomfortable for the first five minutes of the event.

     2. You, as the introvert saying that you will go and then five minutes before deciding that you don't want to go and you bail on your friend. That is not very cool at all and I'm sorry I have no sympathy for you. If you don't want to go, say no but don't make up some bullshit excuse.


3. When you order takeout online instead of calling because you literally can't talk to one more person today.

I LOVE THE INTERNET.

 I think the internet was built for introverted people. In fact, I'm pretty sure Al Gore said once that he invented the internet. I'm sure he must love his 'invention.'

The only thing that they could do better about home delivery would be like milk bottles from years ago. You left the money out in the letterbox and the milk person came by and left the milk. Surely we could do that with pizza too.



There are some problems that I am sure all introverted people have experienced. Don't worry if you have experienced these because you are not alone, I assure you.

Thursday, 30 March 2017

Using up energy singing karaoke

Dutch courage. According to the dictionary on my computer, it means the strength or confidence gained from drinking alcohol. I'm not too proud to say that I have used Dutch courage at various stages in my life to get over some nervousness at meeting new people or just to make being in a room with a lot of people more palatable. (Well, that is what I thought at that time anyway.)

The other day I was out with a few people celebrating the end of our season and we went to karaoke. I haven't been to karaoke for a long time and I felt out of practice but it was fun and I have learnt through experience that you should always pick songs that everyone knows and likes because if you only pick songs that you know it can be a very long three to five minutes. (Unfortunately I forgot that rule a couple of times.)

(For those of you who don't read Japanese, that bottle is something we got for free from the karaoke bar, it's called 'Karaoke voice drink.' Not sure if it is meant to make your voice better or stop you from getting a hangover. Unfortunately it did neither.)

What I noticed the other night was that the people around me were on a real high. Of course I thought that they were all drunk and because I had arrived late I thought that they had imbibed an obscene amount of beer.

A couple of people may have done that but I'm pretty sure they were just high on life and why is that? They were in a group and they were feeding of the energy that being in group does for some people. For me it was tiring and when most of the people were carrying on to the next place after the karaoke finished I knew that I had to go home as I was running on fumes at that stage. My energy was running low and I said my good nights.

That is the secret for people that may be introverted but still like going out on the town from time to time. By all means, get out there. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Drink heaps. But know when your energy stocks are getting low and when you have to leave and just leave. Don't come out with a big long explanation, just say that you going because the more you stand around the more that the group will convince you to stay and if your energy is low it will turn into hell. Trust me on this, I know this from experience.

Do go out and have fun. Don't over do it. Do leave when you want to. Don't let people talk you from going home. Be strong. After about five minutes they will have forgotten that you were there anyway.